Drink of the Month

I want to post a made up drink of the month every month so I'll do my favorite that I've invented first:

"Sea Monster"
3 parts Monster energy drink (of your choice but my favorite is Khaos)
1 part Amaretto di Amore
1 part dark rum
1 part sour mix
pour over ice

That's it.  Call it just "drink of the month." I'm going to have one.  It keeps you awake too.

*Dictated, checked for accuracy when sober*

From Carrot to Meteor and Everything in Between

I want you to start putting what I drank at the beginning of these posts.  Here it is for this time:

2 shots scotch, 3 craft beers, 2 highball rum and cokes

My bank card got all locked up because I bought a ukulele.  I think they thought that some rogue musical thief has taken my card and is buying random-ass instruments.  I guess that pied-piper guy was a musical thief.  Or like a musical kidnapper.  I don't know man, I don't have that much tonight.  I've forgotten more ideas than you've ever had, dick.  Oh I finally switched around the letters on that sign from 'we sell propane' to 'we sell ape porn' last night and they had taken it down by today.  They didn't even fix it, they just got rid of the whole thing.  Also, I drew a picture at work today of a bunny eating a carrot saying "things are really starting to work out" and then a T-Rex is creeping up behind him about to eat the bunny saying "things are really starting to work out" and then behind the T-Rex a meteor is about to hit the Earth.  It's all about your perspective; enjoy the little things.  Did you know that they don't sell sour mix at our Walmart?  Total trapezoids man.  Fin!


*Dictated but not Read*

Classical Guitar, AIDS, Cute vs Hot

Okay, go.  I bought that classical guitar.  Yeah the black one, like bad-ass dwarf Johnny Cash.  I don't know it's just easier to mess around with for a long time if you want cause of the nylon strings I think.  Oh, I was at work today and Caleb had an AIDS bracelet on.  He was like 'check it out, AIDS!' and I said 'I thought you just had the hivs.'  He said 'I'm not sure what the difference is' so I said 'the difference between HIV and AIDS is like the difference between manslaughter and murder' and we had a good laugh.  So did the new girl, she was there, the one I told you about?  She was smiling really big and I pointed at her and was like 'right?' and she just laughed some more.  I told you she's cute, not hot.  I mean maybe someone would find her hot, but I think she's cute.  No I like cute, cute works.  I don't know, I guess she's just too sweet to be hot.  You can't be sweet and be hot.  I'm not sure, I guess cause hot chicks don't have to be nice to get what they want.  Except Canadian chicks.  Super hot Canadian chicks are sweet and nice and smart.  That's why they're better than us.  Oh, and the new girl pulled a Crash Test Dummies reference, very impressive.  That one with the humming.  Forget it I'll look it up later and post a link or whatever.  That's it.  Don't make those puking sounds anymore I'll kick your ass.

*Dictated but not Read*

*Read later but not Changed*

**Note to anyone who reads this:  I was still awake.  I don't get drunk in the morning, I'm not Charlie Sheen.

Salsa

Why don't they make salsa jars shaped like upside down bowls?  Its just stupid that the smallest point is at the top.  How many people are there who eat salsa out of something other than the jar it comes in?  Ryan, shut up of course you have to crap on my point.  You lose that delicious salsa juice by putting it in the bowl you idiot.  I have no idea why I try to talk to you about my ideas.  I'm done.  I had other stuff but I'm done.  I watched Jackass Number Two tonight and I think we need to start doing more crazy shit.  Are you still typing?

*Dictated but not Read*

Godzuki and Cris Carter are Twins

Are you doing it? Okay say I am a big fan of Adam Carolla.  I'm not sure if it's like the car, but I know its got two As and two Ls so just do your best.  Wait, just put c-a-r-o-l-l-a I think that's right.  I'm a big fan of Adam Carolla and he has a gift for saying this person looks like that person and I just remembered my favorite ever that he said.  Godzuki, the baby Godzilla looks like Cris Carter the football analyst.  Oh my god, best ever.  Put up pictures of both.  Say 'dictated but not read.'  Just always say 'dictated but not read.'

*Dictated but not Read*

Separated at Birth?

I'm Drunk, Here We Go

Did you start?  Okay, it's another Monday night, but it sure feels like a Thursday night doesn't it?  What I mean to say is, I have no perception of time left.  My brain is totally fried, but that is the way I like it, or maybe I just don't have the gray matter left to form a real opinion of myself.  Either way I'm happy.
I'm writing a book.  It's basically an autobiography except that my character is a mutant-human hybrid living in a post-apocalyptic world with a homicidal best friend and an undead fiance... so not super different from what is currently going on.  Speaking of currently going on, what is with these crazy bath salts people?  My buddy forwarded me the original news story with the subject heading 'Zombie Invasion, Better Buy A Gun'.  As an aside, my favorite part of that story is that the guy who's face was eaten- that guy- his family thought he was dead and had thought he was dead for several years.  Surprise!  It's your lucky... well it's a day... like, a Thursday.  Yeah, I did tie it back together.  Anyway, I'm going to get a gun.  I told my mom this and she said, "Please wait until I'm dead before you buy a gun."  and I replied, "If I don't get a gun we'll all be dead, then how will you feel?"  I know what you're thinking and, yes, I was on the debate team.  Okay I'm done, don't type anything else.  No, say 'dictated but not read.'  And then that's it.

*Dictated but not Read*